


Frank Is A Tree And I Am Sorry

by wayby



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, crackfic, frank is a literal plant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-04 15:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4142385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayby/pseuds/wayby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard just wanted a plant to take care of, but he ended up with a whole lot more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own MCR. This fic isn't meant to be serious. I'm entertaining myself

Gerard walked into the cute little greenhouse and looked around at all the plants. There were so many to choose from, Gerard found himself getting overwhelmed.

"Hi, can I help you?" a friendly looking employee asked him.

"Yeah, uh...I'm looking for something easy to care for that I can plant in a pot outside," he replied.

"Oh, speaking of pot, that gives me an idea," the lady said, gesturing him to follow her. "This way."

Gerard found himself face to face with a shelf full of packets of unusual looking seeds. Some looked like hot dogs, some looked like little birds, others looked like dicks.

"These are mandrakes, kinda, except the person grows above ground, and they can talk and stuff. Most are pretty easy to care for, but it depends on the plant. The seeds kinda give a hint to the personality."

"Ooh neat," Gerard said, looking at the selection in front of him. He needed to pick the perfect one.

Eventually a specific packet caught his eye. The seeds seemed to be shaped like little pencils.  _Maybe this one is an artist?_ Gerard thought. Another artist to talk to would be the best. He picked up the packet and went to pay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pokemon shuffle is giving me difficulties

Gerard returned home and was so excited to have a little plant friend that he immediately searched his apartment for the flower pot his mom had given him one year for Christmas that was  _totally useless, mom, any plant in this house is going to die._ He eventually found it shoved in the back of the closet adding to his prized dust collection.

He figured the best place to get sunlight is the back balcony, since he is a hermit who keeps his curtains closed. Plus it would get watered every time it rained, because let's be real, that plant would never get watered otherwise. He dug some dirt outside of the apartment complex and put it in the brown pot. Then he planted the pencil seeds and stepped back to admire his work.

"Ok, plant," Gerard said, hoping his neighbors' windows weren't open. "Uh, should I give you a name? Earl the Plant? No, I guess I should wait until you start growing..."

* * *

"Gerard, come on, you need to leave the house," Mikey sighed.

"I did!" Gerard whined into the phone to his brother.

"Going to get groceries doesn't count. You need to get out and do something. Meet people. Find love." Since they were kids, Mikey had always been more sociable than Gerard. He'd never need to grow his own friend.

"Well, excuse you, I'm totally going to make a new friend, whose name may or may not be Earl the Plant." 

"Wait, are you for real?" Mikey straight-up snorted into the phone. "You bought a plant to keep you company? That's sad. What is it, a fern?"

" _No_ ," Gerard pouted. He wasn't that pathetic, was he? "It's one of those mandrakes. It'll be just like a real person. Mine is going to be an artist, probably."

"Ok, whatever. Good luck with your plant boyfriend, I'm going to go get laid."

"Fine. See you, Mikes. Use protection," Gerard hung up the phone with a huff. He couldn't stay mad at his brother for long, though, because it was late and he needed to do everything besides sleep.

* * *

He knew it was useless to check on his plant, since there's no way a plant can completely grow overnight. But Gerard felt the strong urge to go say hi to it. He didn't care if he was a lunatic that talked to his plants. Before walking out to the balcony he actually remembered to grab a cup of water for the mandrake.

To his amazement, little clumps of black hair were already starting to sprout from the pot. He should've known. It's a plant that grows into a human, it can probably deny other laws of biology while it's at it. Excited, he ran over to take a look.

They were slightly wavy and in the sun, they had hints of brown. They looked really soft. Gerard couldn't help but reach out to touch them. He was right about them being soft. The contact with the plant, which wasn't sad and dead, made a rush of emotion flow through him.

"Oh my god I'm so excited for you to grow. Wow. I'm going to try my best to take care of you. Sorry if I screw up."

Suddenly, a head popped out of the dirt. "It's okay, you're doing alright."

Gerard nearly had a heart attack but instead settled on jumping ten feet backwards. "WHAT the FUCK."

"Hey, chill, we mandrakes grow fast," the head said nonchalantly. The head was actually gorgeous, Gerard thought. The few tufts of hair he had seen were nothing compared to the fluffy locks cascading around the mandrake's face. He was pretty sure it was a boy, as it looked way more masculine than he did, but its big brown eyes looked young. What caught his eye, however, was the lip piercing that had somehow grown on its own.

"Um, h-hi, plant. That was unexpected. Holy shit," Gerard said, deciding to act as if the entire event was normal.

"Hello owner," the plant head replied cheerfully.

"Oh, please, call me Gerard," he shivered at the name "owner". He wanted to be the plant's friend, not master. "What's your name?"

"Hello Gerard, my name is Frank."

"Oh, so it's not Earl?"

"What?"

"Nothing," Gerard mentally smacked himself. Way to look like a dork in front of his hot new plant. "So, Frank, are you an artist, like me? Your seed was shaped like a pencil."

Frank laughed, and Gerard decided he could really learn to love that sound. "No, man, you got it all wrong. That was an eyeliner pencil. I'm not an artist, I'm an emo."

"Oh."

"Sorry. But if you wanted an artist, you could teach me stuff. I'm a fast learner. Of course, I don't have hands yet. But you can talk to me," Frank smiled. "I like your voice. I could kind of hear it once my ears grew, but it was muffled by the dirt. You're probably a great singer, right?"

Gerard blushed. How dare this plant, who was currently just a head, make his heart flutter like that. Frank must not have been expecting an answer, because his eyes turned to face the cup in Gerard's hands.

"Hey, is that water for me? Could you give it to me? I'm parched," Frank said. "You can either pour it on my head or put it up to my mouth. I'll absorb it either way."

"Oh, um, okay," Gerard stuttered gracefully. It would be way easier to pour the water on Frank's head, but he didn't want to get his hair wet. He already loved that hair. "I'll just, put it up to your mouth, I guess."

He leaned forward and balanced the cup against Frank's lower lip. He couldn't help but notice how pretty Frank's mouth was. The piercing sure wasn't doing anything to worsen them.

"Can you tip it a little more?" Frank muttered, lips still around the cup.

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

When he was finished, Gerard set the cup next to the door. When he turned back to Frank, he was looking right at him.

"So, tell me about yourself."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm literally just making this up as I go along, but I hope you guys get a kick out of it. I'm not sure how long it will be yet. Enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

"So, I'm tall enough now to bend over and see my pot, and well, it's ugly."

Gerard sighed as he was greeted by Frank's complaints the moment he walked out the sliding balcony door. His plant had grown a lot over the span of a few days. After a long night of learning about each other, Gerard left Frank, who was then just a head, on the balcony so he could go to bed. When he went to check on him the next morning, he was amazed, but not shocked, to see that the mandrake had grown again. He then had shoulders, which, to Gerard's exasperation, were naked, tattooed, and very very  _nice._  He also had little branches poking out in random places around his back and shoulders, which led him to gleefully announce that he's "a tree, Gerard, I'm a tree!"

This day, however, Frank was up to his armpits, and he had tattooed arms to go along with them.

"Good morning to you too, Frank," Gerard said into his cup of coffee. "Nice to see you finally have arms. What exactly do you want me to do about it?"

Frank grinned. "Yeah, I love my arms! I can finally hold stuff now!" he laughed gleefully, waving them around, before getting back to the original topic. "So I really hate this shade of brown. It's like someone took a shit and painted it on. It's just not me."

"That's a gift from my mother, you know," Gerard smiled. He had to agree: he wanted to decorate that pot with his vomit the moment it was presented to him.

"O-oh. I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"It's fine, I hate it too."

Frank smiled back at Gerard, somehow already so lively so early in the morning. Or maybe it was actually afternoon and Gerard had overslept again. Who could know.

"So, do you think you could like, paint it or something? You're really good. That one drawing of a scorpion you showed me was spot on."

Gerard, at the moment, was more interested in the arms that were crossed under his plant's chin. Setting his coffee down, he walked over to take a look at them.

"Can I see your hands?" he asked, kneeling in front of the pot. "It's kind of crazy for a tree to have hands, you know." Frank nodded and lifted his chin to move his hands in front of Gerard's face, spreading his fingers apart to show them off.

Gerard didn't know what to expect from a plant's hands, but he was amused nonetheless. A few of the fingers ended in a leaf, as if they weren't fingers, but branches. The fingernails seemed to be made of bark, and were already pretty long.

He reached out to touch the hands in front of him, before stopping himself and drawing back. "Can I...?"

Frank nodded, and Gerard took a hand into his palm. Rubbing the skin with his thumb, he found that it was actually quite soft and warm. Without thinking, he intertwined his fingers with Frank's and just held the hand, looking at it, but not registering where he was or what he was doing. It wasn't until he felt Frank move that he was brought back to reality.

Blushing furiously, he turned away from the plant, still sitting close to him. "S-sorry. Yeah, I'll paint your pot. I'll be right back with the stuff," he muttered, standing up and walking back into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda had to end this chapter abruptly so i could go to bed


	4. Chapter 4

"Shit shit shit shit shit," Gerard grumbled to himself, looking around for a clean paint brush. "Too cute. He's too cute. Am I really that lonely? He's a  _tree_. Get yourself together."

He was walking towards the kitchen to clean off his brushes when the doorbell rang, making him jump. He went to answer it and was surprised to see his brother standing there, doing his weird knee thing.

"Mikey, what are you doing here?" he asked, moving out of the way to let him in.

"I came to meet your beloved plant. He talks now, right?" Mikey said, smirking. "Am I interrupting something?"

Gerard sighed, pushing back the thoughts he was having before Mikey showed up. He began washing the dirty brushes in the sink. "No, I was just about to paint his pot. He's out on the balcony, you can go on out. His name is Frank." He then turned back to his brother with a pleading look on his face. "And, Mikey, please don't embarrass me. He's really cute."

"He's a plant."

"A special plant."

Mikey shrugged, still smirking at his brother. Sometimes he couldn't believe he was the younger of the two. "No worries. I'll be nice to your plant boyfriend."

Gerard mumbled something back, but Mikey was already walking out the balcony door. Frank, upon seeing a man that wasn't his owner, perked up with curiosity.

"Hey, you're not Gerard."

Mikey leaned on the wall of the apartment, facing the tree. "Nope. I'm his brother. Mikey."

Frank grinned up at him. "You're his brother? Wait, does that mean his hair isn't naturally black and sad?" Mikey couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Not the black, but the sadness is completely natural. It just runs through his whole body."

Frank frowned and furrowed his brow, playing with the piercing on his lip. After a second of thought, he turned back to Mikey with complete seriousness.

"I don't want him to be sad."

Mikey grinned warmly down at him and cocked his head, as if mentally going  _awwwwww_. "He was right, you are cute."

"He called me cute?!" the mandrake sputtered, his blush contrasting from the green leaves growing from his body.

Before Mikey could answer, Gerard spilled himself through the door, balancing several bottles of paint, a cup of water, and freshly cleaned brushes in his arms.

"I didn't know what color you wanted so I just brought everything," he huffed, dropping the bottles on the ground.

"Perfect timing, I was just about to go into detail about all your embarrassing moments," Mikey said to his older brother. "But I didn't because I care about you too much."

Gerard sat himself in front of Frank and began arranging his materials. "Haha, very funny. You and I both know you haven't cared about anything since the 90s."

"Hey, I care. Anyway, I'm going to head out. I'm meeting up with someone on this side of town. Nice meeting you, Frank."

"You too!" Frank chirped. Gerard gave his goodbyes while setting down newspaper to work over.

Once everything was ready to go, Gerard turned to Frank. "So, what base color do you want?" Frank studied the colors in front of him briefly before making his decision.

"Black."

Gerard held back an emo joke and opened the bottle of black paint, and got to work. As he was painting, he could feel Frank boring holes into him. Leaning up, he realized the plant was staring at his hands.

"You wanna give your hands a try?" he smiled. Frank broke into a wide grin and nodded. He handed Frank a paint brush and put some paint where he could reach. He watched Frank grip the brush and swipe across the front of his pot, looking like he had just won the lottery. Gerard's heart skipped a beat at how stupidly cute Frank was and went to work on the back of the pot to avoid the temptation to look at his face.

With the two working together, the black base was finished in no time. Frank was practically squealing with glee, and Gerard couldn't help but blush when he asked, "so, what do you want me to paint?"

Frank thought for a moment, and proudly answered, "Weed. Nah, I'm kidding. Could you paint a guitar? With music notes coming out of it? Maybe? In red."

Gerard agreed and started work on the guitar. Since he was painting it on the front of the pot, he was kneeling right in front of Frank, and knew Frank was watching him. The silence was starting to eat away at him, so he blurted out, "You wanna listen to some music? You like Misfits?"

"Hell yeah, I love Misfits!" Frank nodded. Gerard sighed in relief and opened up some music from his phone.

After a bit, Frank began to sing along, and then prompted Gerard to sing too. After some reluctance, Gerard began to sing along, and they ended up having so much fun that time flew by, and the painting was done.

Frank leaned over to look at it and gasped in awe. "Gerard, you're amazing! Amazing singer AND amazing artist! Incredible!"

Gerard blushed for probably the 30th time and stuttered, "I-I'm not that great..."

"Are you kidding me? Look at this! You completely freehanded this! Gah, I fucking love you."

Frank's words made Gerard's heartbeat go into overdrive. The happiness radiating from his plant just made him twice as attractive, if it was even possible. He was sitting so close, all he had to do was lean over and place his lips on the smiling ones in front of him.

"Frank..."

Suddenly, a drop of water hit his head. The two looked up and realized that it was beginning to rain.

"Ah! No!" Frank yelled. "It'll ruin your painting!"

"Here, I'll take you inside," Gerard said to soothe the tree. Careful not to touch the drying guitar, he wrapped his hands around Frank's pot and began to lift him. The fucker was a lot heavier than he looked, and Frank had to hold onto Gerard's shoulders to avoid being shaken around.

"Thank GOD. You're a genius," Frank said, his arms around Gerard's neck as the two entered the apartment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is literally the longest fanfic i've ever written and it's about a goddamn tree


	5. Chapter 5

After waddling through the door, Gerard dropped Frank's pot on the floor as carefully as he could in the middle of the living room.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to get the paint from outside," he said, leaving Frank to twiddle his thumbs. When he came back, Frank was turning his head the best he could to look at his surroundings.

"Nice place. I was thinking I wasn't going to get to see it until I could walk."

Gerard dismissed the thought that Frank had pretty much just invited himself into Gerard's house. He was right, though, he couldn't stay on the balcony forever.

"You've been through here before, actually."

"No, my seeds have," Frank corrected. "Just because your testicles have been in that exact spot doesn't mean your future children have."

Gerard grimaced. "Okay, ew, let's stop talking about my sperm. You want me to spin you around so you can see the other side?"

The mandrake nodded, and his pot was turned around. He took in the other side of the room, and his eyes lit up when he saw a guitar resting in the corner.

"Hey, nice guitar! Looks like the one you painted. You play?" He asked in Gerard's general direction.

The man shrugged. "Eh, kind of. I'm not too great. I mostly use that when I'm writing songs."

Frank leaned backward so he was facing Gerard upside down. "Can I give it a try? Guitar is in my DNA."

"Sure, why not." Gerard handed Frank the guitar and plugged it into a nearby amp. "Go for it."

Once the guitar was in Frank's hands, the plant bit his lip and concentrated hard, getting into "the zone". When he began to play, Gerard was astonished. His long bark fingernails and leaves weren't getting in the way at all, in fact they were giving the noise a grunginess that Gerard was blown away by. He wasn't playing anything in particular, just aimlessly going about the strings, but it might as well have been Gerard's favorite song.

This guy had the nerve to call  _him_ talented, while he was able to perform magic like this?

The worst part is how he looked doing it. Completely focused, completely at ease, concentrating like his life depended on it. It was like he was born to be doing this.

Pretty much.

"So how was that?" Gerard the astronaut rocketed back to Earth at the question, and realized he had been staring the entire time. Not that Frank had noticed.

"...Holy shit."

Frank pretended to pout. "That bad, huh?" He then broke out in a wide grin. "Kidding. Glad you liked it. Here, you can take the guitar back."

Gerard meant to just lean forward and grab the guitar. But somehow, as he leaned down to Frank's level, he locked eyes with the soft brown puppy-like ones in front of him, he found himself moving forward, placing his lips on Frank's.

Frank's lips were soft and warm, like the rest of his body, but the lip ring was cold and it was a sensation Gerard craved more of. Frank, after squeaking in surprise, leaned into the kiss, placing his hands on Gerard's face. After only a second, Gerard felt Frank open his mouth and move his tongue across his own chapped lips, and he pulled away. Gerard didn't look at the plant as he turned away and marched into his bedroom.

"Gerard-"

"I'm going to bed," Gerard mumbled, not looking back.

* * *

Gerard didn't think he'd be able to sleep after what happened, but the sound of the rain lulled him into a deep slumber. As he felt his eyelids begin to droop, he hoped to himself that by the next morning, Frank would have forgotten about everything.

Somewhere around 3 am, the rain eventually turned into a storm, which eventually turned into an...earthquake? No, it was just someone shaking him awake.

"Gerard...Gee...wake up..." came a worried voice from behind him. He felt his heart lodge itself in his throat. That was Frank's voice.

Gerard shot up and spun around, taking in the sight of his plant drooped over the side of the bed. He wasn't in his pot, but kneeling on weak, half-formed knees that led to thin legs branching into roots.

"Frank?! Oh my god, did you uproot yourself?!" he cried, jumping out of bed to pick up the tree and carry him into the living room.

Frank sniffled into his owner's shoulder. "I tried calling for you, but the thunder was too loud."

Flipping the light switch, Gerard found Frank's pot tipped over and spilling dirt, a small trail leading toward the bedroom. It looked as if Frank had managed to push himself over and crawl a bit before giving up and tearing himself out of the pot.

"What could you possibly need that you would put yourself in danger for?" Gerard asked, lying Frank on the couch as he set the pot back up and grabbed a broom from the hallway closet.

Frank was glad that Gerard was keeping himself busy, because he would've avoided eye contact otherwise. "I...I couldn't sleep. I was scared. Of the storm. And my thoughts."

Gerard returned with a broom and dustpan and began sweeping up the soil and putting it back into the pot. "What thoughts?"

His plant sighed, and began picking at one of the leaves coming out of his leg.

"Thoughts of you," he answered quietly, not turning to face Gerard.

Gerard stopped sweeping and turned to face his mandrake. He looked like he was holding back tears. His own heart started beating fast. Frank was probably mad at him and never wanted to see him again.

"What thoughts?" he repeated.

He saw Frank take a deep breath, and finally the plant turned to face him.

"I just. I know I've only existed for like a week. But I like you. Like like you. You're pretty and talented and nice and...I liked it when we kissed. But you left. I thought I did something wrong and upset you."

Gerard stood breathless, taking it all in. He didn't really know how to react.

"Frank..."

He knelt in front of the couch and reached out to brush the soft black hair out of his face, and then planted a kiss to the plant's forehead. "Frank." He enveloped Frank in a tight hug, holding back tears himself. "Frank. Me too. I like you too."

Hearing those words, Frank returned the hug with all his strength, then pulled back to look into Gerard's eyes. "Kiss me again?"

Gerard didn't answer, smiling instead and kissing him, hard but gentle, sweet but hot. He slithered his way onto the couch beside Frank and pulled him as close as physically possible.

They stayed like that for a while, kissing and cuddling, until Frank yawned. Gerard grinned at him.

"Let's get you back into the pot."

Frank groaned and squeezed Gerard tighter. "Can't we just stay like this tonight?"

Gerard giggled and kissed Frank one more time. "Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just added onto this chapter instead of making a new one. one more chapter after this


	6. Epilogue

The moment Frank took his first steps, Gerard felt like he was a proud father watching his baby, instead of a proud boyfriend holding his lover's hand as the plant stepped out of the pot.

As Gerard emptied the dirt from the pot (over the balcony, nearly hitting a neighbor that was taking out the trash) Frank stood by and watched sadly. Gerard noticed set the pot down, walking over to him and wrapping his arms around his waist, taking care not to impale his eyeballs on the branches that had grown considerably big and leafy.

"Why the long face, babe? I thought you'd be excited to finally get out of that pot," he questioned, kissing his boyfriend on the forehead.

Frank sighed and ran his fingers lovingly through Gerard's hair. "I am, I'm just going to miss it. That pot is special to me, you know?"

Gerard hummed and pulled back to face Frank. The warm brown eyes looking up at him with love never failed to make him smile and his heart flutter.

"You're special to me," he said, caressing the tree's cheek. "Even if you are super short for a tree."

"Oh shut up," Frank smirked, playfully punching his boyfriend on the shoulder, before standing on his tiptoes to kiss him.

Gerard giggled into the kiss and Frank wrapped his arms around his neck, and they pulled each other close, mouths moving in unison. Their kisses were symbiotic, Gerard exhaling carbon dioxide and Frank exhaling oxygen, so they didn't have to pull away so soon.

Gerard pulled away rather quickly, and Frank would've complained if he hadn't seen how Gerard was looking at him as if he were the greatest thing since sliced bread.

"I love you."

"Same," Frank replied.

"Wow, really? And here I was just about to ask you out on a date and then maybe a fuck, but you just had to ruin the mood," Gerard mock-pouted at his boyfriend.

Frank kissed the pout right off Gerard's face and gave him a smirk. "I'm totally down for both of those. Where did you want to go?"

Suddenly a chirp interrupted their thoughts, and they realized a little bird had landed on a thin branch growing out of Frank's shoulder. It gave Gerard an idea.

"You wanna have a picnic at the park? I can bring a guitar and stuff."

Frank nuzzled Gerard and sighed in agreement. "I don't care where we go as long as I'm with you. I know that sounds super cliche but I mean it."

They kissed again, slow and sweet, until the bird interrupted them with another chirp.

"If that bird nests on you, you better treat the eggs with as much care and love as you do with me," Gerard said.

"Don't worry, they can be our children."

"Shut up," Gerard giggled, leaning in to kiss Frank again.

They didn't manage to get to the park until later, when they had finally pulled themselves away from each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frank was definitely naked the entire time and that's okay


End file.
